


Oblivious

by Dusklight1



Series: 5+1 Superstyle [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 5+1, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt Kara Danvers, Survivor Guilt, but - Freeform, out the wazzoo, so much, sort of related to the other work in this series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 20:16:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11699142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dusklight1/pseuds/Dusklight1
Summary: Sometimes, even a different perspective doesn't help us see the truth.--" Oh my god, you're a lesbian. This is, this is great news-"" I'm not gay!"--Or, five times people ask, wonder, or tell Kara she's in love with a woman, and one time she agrees.





	Oblivious

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap this took literally a month to write jaysus. Well, hope you like it.

Astra sees it first. Kara looks at the girl like she hangs the moon and stars, like she is Yuda's and Cythonna's and Rao's blessings all rolled into one. And, well, she doesn't disapprove, per say. The house of Hii is of a sufficiently high rank so as not to bring down the honor of the Houses El and In-Ze with a union...but...the girl is destined for the Arts Guild for Cythonna's sake!! The Arts Guild! Not something _respectable_ like the Military or Science Guilds, but Art! _Art_! What use were holo-receptacles and digi-murals and sculptures in actual, real life? None at all! But still, Little One cares for the girl, and Astra supposes that no harm can come from a dalliance between them, or even, * _shudder_ *, a union.

She's still mouthing the word _'art_ ' in horror when Kara comes up and tugs on her arm, pulling her unresisting form along. As they walk, Astra snaps out of her horror induced haze to hear something about a sculpture Kara made, and she falls right back into it. Tainted! Her Little One has been tainted! Astra was wrong, so wrong, and the consequences are disastrous! So much potential, wasted! Soon, Kara will be crafting holograms, sculpting, and painting, all the time, and have no time for training! Her forms would fall out of practice, her strength fade, by the gods Kara might not even remember what a war staff looked like! This must be _stopped_! Intervention, yes, that's what Astra must do, stage an intervention...Kara stops, and Astra realizes they're in Kara's room already. Nervously, Kara gestures at a sculpture that is stunning in its likeness to Flamebird.

" So, do you think it is any good? I made it for Lok...but if it is not I do not wish to give it to her because she would think I am not any good and that we have nothing in common and then she will not wish to be friends anymore and-"

And damn it, how is Astra supposed to protest this choice of hobby--and by Cythonna let it just be a _hobby_ \--when Kara is so nervous and scared, so Astra reassures her that," Kara, this is beautiful. If I did not know any better, I would think that this is Flamebird herself.

Kara beams and Astra decides that, whether art is a hobby or...otherwise...she will accept it with all the grace and dignity she can muster, because that is what will make her Little One happy. And then go cry in the privacy of her own locked down chambers.

" So..Kara..what exactly do you feel for your companion, Lok Jal-Kii.."

" She is my dearest companion, and so amazing, and smart, and pretty, her eyes are like the moon and her hair is dark as the wings of Nightwing and she is the best speeder pilot I have ever seen, and she is so gifted at crafting sculptures, oh, and her murals are spectacular-," Kara gushes, only to pause at the pained look on her aunts face.

" Aunt Astra, are you alright?"

Think fast Astra, come up with a good excuse, ok, here goes," I stubbed my toe."

Fantastic; Kara will never know,( _no matter that the girl has seen her be run over by a rogue speeder and express less pain_ ), for her excuses are too good, her mind too cunning...if only she could put that to use by turning Kara's affections away from the artist...Don't Zod and Ursa have a child? Surely that child would be suitable, and headed for the military guild...And since Kara clearly doesn't realize the depth of her own affections for the other girl, it wouldn't even be wrong, really. Hopefully.

" ..Alright then. Um, I hope it feels better?"

Ha, she totally bought it. And Non says she isn't sneaky. Psh. Shows him. Not sneaky her ass. Suck it Non. She's the sneakiest.

* * *

 

For years Winn watches Kara go above and beyond the call of duty in service to one Cat Grant. And yes, he can understand being intimidated into doing to, but that's not it; Kara can bench press the international space station, and, even without her powers, Alex is her sister, so what has Kara to fear from a tiny angry human. No, Winn is neither stupid nor blind; he knows well enough what a crush looks like, god knows he's had enough himself, and these are text book symptoms of a crush. Blushing, stammering, tripping over her own feet in a rush to do what she's told, going above and beyond the call of duty. And whenever Cat walks past her in particularly short dress and high heels? James, what is a James, Kara has never heard of a James.

Yeah, it's possible Kara just admires her boss, but seeing how the two act around each other, Winn highly doubts that's all there is to it. Hell, there's an office betting pool over when, where, and what will happen between their boss, and her assistant. And sure, Winn can understand why Kara is infatuated; their boss is an attractive, powerful woman. Sure, Winn might have a crush on Cat Grant himself, if not for the fact that he didn't generally go for women with the vindictiveness and willingness to mount his head above their mantle should he so much as slightly insult them. But hey, if that's what Kara goes for, that's her business, and more power to her.

So, when she'd revealed herself to be Supergirl, he'd had an understandable misunderstanding. And was really psyched because he was about to cash in on the betting pool, but no. She denied it. And hopped off of the damn building, so. Yeah. Gave him a heart attack. And he didn't get two hundred and fifty...eight?...grand!! Perhaps he held a _bit_ of a grudge about that, but no matter.

And now that Alex is out, and Kara is mopey about Cat having moved into a yurt in the opposite hemisphere, he has the perfect opportunity to put out feelers and figure out if Kara is willing to admit to her feelings. So, he takes her to the bar, just the two of them, waits until she's drank about half a glass of Aldebaaran Rum, and Operation: SuperCat is a go!

" So, Kara, you seem kind of frustrated lately..any reason?," he asks nonchalantly.

Kara scoffs, tapping her fingers on the bar intermittently, before finally replying," I am not frustrated, Winn. I am perfectly fine. Perfectly."

Winn just raises his eyebrows challengingly. Kara looks away. But not before he sees the flash of pain cross her face. Pain, and guilt. Now just why would she feel that? Pain, he can understand. But _guilt_? Why is she guilty?

" You sure about that? I mean, you just look like you feel really bad about something..did something happen?"

" I...," she starts, looking at him.

Just as quickly she looks back down at her glass, before continuing quietly," I just feel..something I shouldn't."

Winn perks up. It appears he was, in fact, right. And now Kara can go fly to the Himalayas and bring Cat back, and be happy, and he can win four hundred grand and counting. Win win situation for all involved. Well, unless Alex somehow finds out about the betting pool, in which case it's a win for everyone except him. Oh well. That's a risk he's more than willing to take.

" What do you mean? What shouldn't you feel?," he asks, attempting to be gentle.

" _Feelings_! I don't _get_ to have feelings Winn, especially not for other people! Not like _this_!"

He blinks. So, this is more complicated than he thought. Why in the world wouldn't she be allowed to have feelings. Does this have something to do with the Red K incident? Doesn't she know that wasn't her fault? Winn is pulled out of his wondering by Kara's defeated voice.

"-ry time I have feelinsh for shomun they getsh-they getsh hurt. Sho no more feelinsh," she slurs, and Winn realizes with no small amount of horror that she finished the entire bottle of rum while he was in thought.

" Who do you have feelings for?," Winn asks quietly.

" You should know, you put betsh on it," she mutters, a blush spreading across her face.

Winn chokes on his sip of beer, before stuttering out a," Wh-what, what do you m-mean?"

" Shuper hearin, Winn, I hear ever-thin."

" Everything?," he squeaks.

" Ever-thin," Kara slurs her agreement.

Winn buries his face into his arms, and realizes through a distant haze of mortification,( _and terror because oh God what if she tells Alex!? What if she already has and Alex is just biding her time before she horrifically dismembers him!?!_ ), that Kara never actually said that she likes Cat. Fuck. The pool has been added to in recent months-so it could be anyone from "Mike" to Siobhan. Well, not Siobhan anymore, what with having been fired and sent to prison. Whatever, not the point. Point is, Winn still hasn't won. _Damnit_.

* * *

To most people, it wouldn't be obvious. But James has an eye for details, knows how to look beneath the surface; he is a photographer, after all. And while on the surface, Kara appears to be solely jealous of Lucy, and even then barely that, he has also seen her give him looks that,( _minutely_ ), suggest she would like to throw him into space. And then he's seen looks directed at Lucy which suggest anything but. Like the one Kara is giving her right now

" Um, Kara, are you ok? You, are you choking?"

As it turns out, she is. Apparently, Kara literally inhaled a potsticker, instead of metaphorically. Which is bad, because there's no way he can give an invulnerable alien the heimlich. Quickly, Kara ducks under her desk, pounding herself on the chest, before expelling the potsticker through the trash can. And the _floor_.

" If I get a new trash can and cover the hole, do you think Ms. Grant will notice?," Kara rasps.

" Maybe not...but it's Ms. Grant, so I doubt it," Winn chimes in.

" So, what was that about? I don't think I've ever seen you choke on food before, and I've seen you clean out an entire buffet worth of food before I could blink. Spill," James adds, looking back and forth between Kara and Lucy quizzically.

But Kara doesn't answer, just continues to stare at Lucy, who is currently speaking to, well, arguing with, Ms. Grant. James doesn't get it; nothing about Lucy has changed, except that she's wearing..her...uniform. Oh. _Oh_. So maybe...

" Hey, Kara, what do you think of Lucy's uniform?"

Winn shoots a fierce glare at him. Kara chokes again. Cat and Lucy direct confused, and slightly concerned, gazes at the trio.

" Whatever you keep saying, _stop_. It's _clearly_ killing Kleo, and I don't want to get a replacement assistant on such notice. Seriously. I've never seen Cassandra choke on _anything_ , so whatever you two are saying must be unsuitable for civilized company," Cat calls out, before returning to arguing with Lucy.

Spectacularly, Kara manages to breathe again,( _putting another hole in the floor in the process, and leaving James wondering if the building's insurance covers projectile potstickers...he hopes so_ ), and immediately starts spluttering out a gravelly sounding rebuttal.

" I-I-I don't-don't care about the u-uniform, I mean, I was just, just surprised, th-that she is wearing it..," Kara looks up, locks gazes with Lucy, squeaks, looks away.

"... _here_ ," Kara finishes weakly, looking very determinedly at the floor.

Ha, James is _right_! Oh, damn, he's _right_. Well..this is going to be kinda complicated. On the one hand, Kara's varied reactions to Lucy's presence, particularly her uniformed presence, are highly entertaining, down right hilarious really. On the other hand...that's his girlfriend--er, ex girlfriend--and his best friend's little cousin, who is also a good friend. Complicated. And oh, there's Lucy, walking towards them. And look at that, Kara just ate another potsticker. This can only go so well.

" Hey, Lucy," James exclaims, hoping to give Kara warning enough that she doesn't choke again.

Kara quickly swallows, stifles a cough, looks up, and croaks ' _hey_ '. Winn settles for glaring. James smirks; Winn is being pretty obvious, at least to anyone who knows about the betting pool. Lucy just looks between all of them suspiciously.

" Hey, Kara. Are you ok? You keep..choking," Lucy asks.

" Ok, I'm ok, I'm totally ok yup yeah ok," Kara stutters, looking steadfastly at, oh, anything that isn't Lucy.

" Did she forget to mention that she's ok-"

Oof, Winn hits harder than James thought. Lucy spares him a puzzled look, before turning to Kara and...asking her to lunch? Something about work. Kara chokes again, and James briefly wonders if kryptonians can lose brain cells due to asphyxiation. God he hopes not, or surely Kara's lost half hers.

" Are you-"

" _Fiiiine_!," Kara wheezes.

* * *

" You ready to spar?," Alex asks.

When Kara doesn't respond, instead shifting from foot to foot nervously, raising an eyebrow. Kara mumbles under breath, something that sounds vaguely like...

" _Vasquez_? What about her?"

And _no_ , there is no _jealousy_ in her voice. But why would Kara want to spar with Vasquez, when Alex is a perfectly good sparring partner, and her sister besides! And furthermore, when did Vasquez become _Susan_!? What exactly is Alex missing here?

" We, er, we're gonna spar? I mean, it's not that I don't wanna spar with you, it's just, it's just I already said that I'd spar with her!"

" Oh really? I kinda thought we had a standing arrangement," Alex retorts, not at all jealously.

" It's just this once! I promise! Probably..," Kara replies, looking at her feet.

Yeah, ok, fine, whatever, Alex doesn't care that she's being abandoned for..a pretty...girl... _Oh no_. No way. She's _blushing_. Kara is totally blushing. No, not _again_! Kara gets crushes way too easily and they're nearly always unreciprocated, or else there extenuating circumstances involved! There's no way this won't end in heartbreak! _Again_!

Alex hopes it ends well this time. She really, _really_ does. Because she doesn't want to see Kara's heart get broken again; her list of people to punch in the face already gets longer by the day. Alex really doesn't need to add anyone else. Really. And having to add a coworker might make things a little complicated on the job. Of course the only sane thing to do is give Vasquez the patented Danvers Shovel Talk™. And while she may not have such glorious threats as,' I can throw you into orbit. With my pinky. Pluto's orbit.', Alex can still be very intimidating. So after watching a painfully awkward hour long,( _and really, there was no need for an hour, honestly, Alex would have preferred it to last...oh...zero hours and zero minutes_ ), spar between her sister and Vasquez, Alex waits outside until she can catch the other agent.

" You're pretty good. Though, I've seen you spar with Danvers, so I suppose I already should have known that."

" Ha, I'm, I'm not that good," Kara stammers, blushing and looking away.

" No, you're definitely good. You had me pin-"

Ok, Alex has had enough of this..of this _nonsense_!

" Agent Vasquez! I need a word with you," Alex all but orders, and when the other woman doesn't move, adds," in _private_."

As soon as they're in a room that she knows Kara can't hear them in,(because that's what she designed it for as soon as she realized Kara would be coming to work at the DEO. Of course, she might not have if she had known that Kara freaks out because she can't hear Alex's heartbeat in there), she turns and levels her best glare at the other woman.

" What do you think you're doing?," Alex demands.

" Well, I _was_ sparring with Supergirl, _now_ I'm standing here being yelled at."

" Oh don't give me that; I'm talking about leading her on! She has a massive crush on you, oblivious to it as she is, and you are clearly aware, going by the smug look on your face!," Alex snaps.

" If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were jealous of little old me," Vasquez taunts.

It takes a moment for such an absurd statement to properly register in Alex's mind; when it does, she is completely horrified. Beyond it, really. So far beyond horrified.

" _What_!? Ew, God, _no_ , she's my s-," Alex shouts, before slapping a hand over her mouth.

" Your sister, I know," the other woman replies with a smirk.

" Well, well fine then. You know why we're here then; if you hurt my sister, I will rip out your spleen and _feed it to you_ , only _after_ shooting you in the kneecaps and elbows so you can't get away. Are we _clear_?," Alex snaps back.

" Crystal. And just so you know, I don't intend to hurt Kara. She's a sweet girl. And scary-I've seen her threaten people with the nicest smile on her face, and it's terrifying. You should try it."

And, as it turns out, it does not end in heartbreak,(yet). There is, however, a serious need for brain bleach. Because Kara never tells her anything, and doesn't know how to lock a damn door! Or even put a sock on it!! Alex had just come over, to surprise her sister with potstickers, when she is irreparably traumatized. Irreparably!!!

" Hey, Kara, I thought we could do movie night tonight, since we..m-missed it...yester..day..... _What the hell is going on!?! Get away from my sister!! Why!?_ "

" Alex it's not what you think!"

" _OH REALLY BECAUSE I THINK I'LL NEVER SIT ON THAT COUCH AGAIN_!!!"

" Then you won't ever eat in the kitchen again, either?"

" Susan!!"

" Oh God _why_!?"

So...yeah...that was fun. Sooooo _fun_. The funnest..Yeah, Alex spent nearly a month begging J'onn to wipe her mind after that. Unfortunately, he refused. No matter what she bribed him with. About a year later, it did, as ever, actually end in heartbreak. Vasquez got shot, and Kara, being Kara, completely blamed herself. Vasquez lived, that wasn't the heartbreaking part. Not yet. No, that came later, with Alex barely refraining from grabbing her glock as she listened to a conversation happening around the corner.

" I'm, I'm getting transferred. To D.C."

" Well th-that's not so bad, I...can fly over, and visit you, and-"

" No, you can't."

" Why?"

And Kara's voice is so incredibly _small_ , and _pained_ , and Alex is wondering how best to implement her year old threat in light of the fact that her boss, an alien who reads minds, would surely disapprove. Actually, come to think of it, maybe he wouldn't..

" You. I mean, somehow, somebody found out we're in a relationship, told a higher-up, and said higher-up decided that our relationship is favoritism and a conflict of interest."

Well, somebody is apparently a little bitch. Oh, and looky there, tonight's the night bitches _die_. Alex just has to find said bitch.

* * *

A massacre of dignity is the only way Clark can describe what happened here. And Clark gets it, he does, because he's had it happen to him, has met a _Luthor_ with a _pretty_ smile and _prettier_ lies that swept him off of his feet and then let him fall on his ass. Been there, done that, got the _heartbreaking betrayal_. That it's a _different_ Luthor this time matters not; a Luthor is a Luthor is a _Luthor_. Kara has been hurt enough, there's _no way_ he's letting it happen again.

" So, uh, what was that all about?," he asks, ever tactful.

" What was _what_ , I dunno what you're talking about," Kara scoffs.

" Really? Then why did it look like you were going to have a heart attack every time she addressed you?"

" I did not!"

" Yeah, you did. And I'm telling you right now, it'll never work out; she's a _Luthor_. And Luthors dazzle you with their brilliance and charm and you never see the knife coming to _stab you in the back_ ," Clark hisses.

And no, he isn't angry at Kara. Lord no. But she's his cousin, and his cousin has a crush, quite clearly, on a _Luthor_ , and that never ends well. Kara _already_ has a planet's worth of survivors guilt resting on her shoulders, and she doesn't need a _Luthor_ to come and hurt her even more.

" You don't know that Clark! She seemed perfectly nice to me!"

" And _Lex_ seemed great to _me_! Look how _that_ turned out!"

Ok, so that conversation doesn't end up turning out the best. That is, he makes Kara so mad she storms out of the diner and leaves food, _food_ , behind. So, yeah, she's pissed. But he's telling the truth! All _Luthors_ do is hurt people! He doesn't know why she can't _see that_!

No matter how he tries, all Clark can do is see history repeating itself. Meets and is enchanted by a Luthor? Check. Argues with,( _semi_ ),parental figure over whether or not the Luthor is just like their father/brother? Check. Rescues Luthor from a crashing vehicle? Check. God, Clark just doesn't want Kara to look back on these conversations with regret, like he did. Because oh, how he does regret not listening to his dad. But Kara? Kara doesn't see it, doesn't see the striking similarities, doesn't see how this is going to end _badly_. But it will, he just knows it. Because all _Luthors_ do is _hurt people_.

" You're right Clark."

He looks over to where she sits, huddled beside him on the grey concrete of his apartment balcony. It's times like these when he wishes...well, that doesn't matter. He lost his chance to raise her, to let her be with her only living family that wasn't trying to kill her. But she's so small, and he can see the weight of this living world and their dead one weighing her down, more clearly tonight than ever.

" About what?," he asks, wondering if he needs to fly to National City and drop a certain someone from a great height. _Repeatedly_.

" About me getting hurt. You aren't right about _why_ , though," she rebukes, apparently reading the look on his face quite well.

" Ok, then why am I right?"

" Because, I always get hurt. I start to care about someone, and they get sent away, or they leave me, or they get hurt, or they d-die. So I won't get hurt because she's a Luthor. I'll get hurt because I care about her, too _much_."

He's heard from Alex about how Kara's survivor's guilt seems to attach itself to every one she sees get hurt, how Kara thinks it's always her fault, even when there's no way that she could have stopped it. Clark had thought she was exaggerating.

" What brought this on? The woman isn't getting hurt because of _you_ , she's getting hurt because she's a _Luthor_ \--no, no not like that, cut it out that's not what I mean! I mean, she's gotten death threats and attempts on her life since she was adopted by the Luthors, _because_ she was adopted by the Luthors. You've got nothing to do with it."

" Oh."

" Yeah. So, wanna tell me about a few months ago, when you _looked into her eyes_ and knew she was innocent?"

Kara splutters with indignation, but does not actually refute what he said. Cause it's true, obviously. James had called him to rant about how Kara trusted the Luthor over her own common sense. Kara 'looking into her eyes' was mentioned repeatedly.

" _Weeeell_?," he prods.

" I, that, that's not wh-what happened, exactly! I, I..," Kara stammers.

" _Looked into her eyes_?," Clark simpers, fluttering his eyelashes coquettishly.

She punches him in the arm, hard enough to hurt, and Clark just laughs. Inwardly, he's already planning a quick trip to National City to deliver a grade-A Super-Shovel-Talk to Luthor. Which he does, that very night while Kara is asleep.

" Miss Luthor," Clark calls out, floating slightly above her balcony with his arms crossed.

She looks up, grimaces, and states coldly," I wondered when you'd come by. Here to tell me to stay away from Kara?"

" Not exactly," he retorts, but oh, how he wants to just say that and leave.

" Well, you might as well come in; what would people think, seeing a super on my balcony at this time of the night?," Lena says, shuffling some papers.

He lands on the balcony with a soft thud, and walks somewhat hesitantly into the office. Honestly, Clark would rather be anywhere except alone with a _Luthor_ , but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

" That you were up to no good?," Clark replies with a slightly mocking tone, receiving a mild glare in return.

" Hm, and is that why you're here? Because you think I'm 'up to no good' with Kara? Well, I'm sorry to inform you, however the most _nefarious_ thing we've been involved in together was her drunken plot to steal a baby otter from the zoo, because it was 'so lonely'."

Clark wants to face palm, because oh god that sounds exactly like something Kara would do, come to think of it.

" That's not-I'm not saying you've done anything bad, _yet_. I'm _saying_ , that if you hurt her, I can throw you into _orbit_. With my _pinky_. _Pluto's_ orbit. So, don't hurt her. Or _you'll_ be the first human to go through Mars."

" You mean _to_ Mars?"

" No, I do mean _through_ it. I've run the calculations, and you'd have to go through a few planets to get there. Luckily I've always been a _whiz_ at geometry, so finding the right trajectory wasn't hard," Clark replies lightly.

" Luckily indeed," Luthor deadpans.

" Well, I'm glad we had this talk. Bye now."

So maybe, he was a little harsh. But, the woman looks and acts almost exactly like Lex, and it always throws him off kilter. Ok, granted, a Lex with black hair,(and hair at all), but they both take _so much_ after Lionel. God, he just hopes Kara never finds out about this conversation; she'd be _so_ pissed. It only takes an hour and he's landing back on his balcony to look at...oh _shit_.

" So, why'd you fly off to good ol NC in a tizzy, Smallville?"

" Heeey, Lois..Kara...so..how did you...?"

" Your phone is in your boot."

" Ah."

* * *

Kara is not an _idiot_. Nor is she blind, naïve, utterly oblivious. She _knows_ when she has feelings for someone, when she loves someone; she just ignores it. She has to. Kara won't let anyone get hurt on her account. Not again. She can't-Kara _cannot_ lose anyone else. She's lost too much. Once upon a time she lost everything, and that can _not_ be allowed to happen again.

Because every time Kara likes someone like this? _Bad things happen_. The day she'd told Lok Jal-Hii how she felt about her, Kara's world had quite literally ended. She was stuffed into the escape pod and never got to tell the other girl goodbye. She actually started to like Adam? Kidnapped by Bizzaro. Admitted her feelings, at least to herself, about Cat? Cat moved to a yurt in the Himalayas, and Kara couldn't help but feel that was her fault too. She kissed James and he jumped off a building for Rao's sake! Ok, to be fair, she kissed James who immediately thereafter fell under the thrall of _Myriad_ , got to the top of Catco, and _then_ jumped off. But still! She thought she might, _maybe_ , have the _teeniest_ of _tiniest_ crushes on Lucy? Lucy moved away. Kara had a... _thing_? with Susan, who then got _shot_ covering her on a mission. And yeah, she was patched up just fine, after, and the kryptonite in the bullet didn't have any real effect on her, but...Kara knew it was her fault just the same.  And then Susan got shipped off to D.C., also because of Kara. Kara began dating Mon-El, began actually caring for him, thinking that maybe, just _maybe_ , he wouldn't get taken away _too_? Lo and behold, the atmosphere gets pumped full of lead, and he's _gone_.

So no, she's not oblivious. She is _painfully aware_ , that every time she likes someone, every time she might even love someone, something bad happens. They get _hurt_. They _leave_. They _die_. And she is so sick of it. She doesn't want to feel anything for anyone, doesn't want anyone to be more than a friend, because that always, _always_ takes them out of her life. She is cursed, or Rao hates her, or something, but what ever the cause is, it is far too dangerous for her become close to someone. Because she can't afford to lose someone else. Can't afford to lose _Lena_. So Kara will go on lunch dates, and visit Lena at work, and bring Lena food, and send Lena texts filled with far too many emojis and memes, and above all, they will stay friends. And when her resolve begins to break, Kara will look, and listen. Kara will peer through boundless space to cold and lonely Rao, which Krypton's shattered corpse forever orbits, she will paint and sculpt for Lok, who can never do so again, because of her. Kara will strain for Adam's heartbeat, for Susan's, and remind herself just why both are so very far away. Kara will look at the pavement below and remember how very close James was to painting it red. Kara will remind herself of how many times Cat and even Carter have been threatened on her account, and even by her. How Lucy went off to bigger and better things. How Mon-El had to vacate the planet. Kara will look, and Kara will listen, and Kara will remember that it is _all her faul_ t. Because Kara is not oblivious, nor is she naive.

But _oh_ how she _wants_. And she's forced it into a dull ache in her chest, a piercing pain in the very back of her mind. She wants and wants and _wants_ , so badly, what she can never, _ever_ have. Kara is not blind. Lena has at least a modicum of feelings for her. But that is all there can ever be, feelings unspoken, unacknowledged, unknown. Kara will never, ever bring up anything she feels, and hopefully, they will always be friends. Because really, she's pushing her luck as it is; Kara isn't allowed to be happy, never for long. And Lena makes her _so, so happy_. And so, so _scared_.

As she opens the door of her apartment and sees Lena sitting there waiting, waiting for _her_ , Kara feels her stupid heart skip a beat, feels like there's a storm of butterflies in her stomach, and she wants nothing more than for it to stop.

" H-hey, Lena," she says, grinning weakly.

" Kara, is something wrong? Or, did you forget I was coming over today?"

" What, no, I didn't forget! In fact, I've even got snacks set out. So, uh, come on in!," Kara babbles nervously.

Lena laughs and complies, and oh, that smile _does_ _things_ to Kara that it really shouldn't, makes it harder to remember why she can't have this, why she can't be happy. And they sit for a while, watch Netflix and talk late into the evening. And around nine, when the food is gone and the lights are low, Lena looks up at Kara from where she's been resting on her chest, and gives her another breathtaking smile.

" So, I have a, very important proposition for you," Lena rasps, and shit, shit, _shit_ , the woman can't just make things easy for her, can she?!

" Y-yeah?," Kara totally does not squeak.

" Hm, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me tomorrow...like a date?," Lena asks, hope creeping into her voice.

And no, _no_ , why would she _do_ that, why would she ask that, when Kara wants so badly to say yes but can't! Kara notices, after about a minute of silence, that the longer she takes to reply the more hurt Lena's expression becomes. Kara owes her an explanation, at least.

" I..I can't, Lena, I'm sorry," Kara whispers, and watches the mask she sees, always directed at other people, never at her, paint Lena's face blank, can practically hear the other woman's walls slam up.

" No, it's fine, I understand," Lena replies, leaning up and away, before adding," I just thought you might be interested. But of course, you're straight, so-"

" No, that's not it, at all, that's a human thing," and oh fuck, if Lena somehow didn't know before, she does now," it's just, it's not-"

" Ah, the old, 'it's not you, it's me' spiel. No, it's fine, I get it. No need to make excuses. I don't blame you for not wanting damaged goods-," Lena replies, purposefully airy, before being cut off by Kara.

" Trust me, if you're damaged, all I'll do is make it _worse_!," she snaps, instantly feeling bad for it.

" What's _that_ supposed to mean? How could you of all people make me any worse than I already am," Lena snaps back, hurt and confused.

" _Because_ _that's_ _what_ _always_ _happens_! Every time I feel this way about someone, every time I love them, something _bad_ happens!! The die or get hurt or hate me or get sent away or leave of their own volition or something, something happens and some how some way they're gone! I can't lose you too, Lena! I watched my world burn into star dust, and honestly, losing you right now would be about on par with _that_!!!"

And then Lena is hugging her, and Kara doesn't know why, because now that Lena knows the truth, knows that everyone who she loves gets hurt, she should be running as far away from Kara as it's possible to get. Instead, Lena is hugging her.

" _Idiot_. Give me _one_  example of something you _actually caused_ that hurt someone you loved," Lena scoffs, voice undeniably fond under the sharp words.

" I threw Cat off a balcony," Kara mumbles into her shoulder.

" You were influenced by kryptonite. Red kryptonite, at that."

" Mon-El had to leave earth because I couldn't stop the invasion."

" You didn't invade and start hurting innocent people, or press the button that released the lead."

" James jumped off of a building after I kissed him, Adam got kidnapped by Bizarro, and Susan got shot covering me."

Kara would mention how Krypton exploded, but somehow she doesn't think Lena would accept,' I told Lok how I felt and an hour later my planet blew up,' as a credible explanation.

" Yeah, except the causes of those incidents were, respectively, mind control, Maxwell Lord, and, surprise, goon of Maxwell Lord."

Kara mumbles something Lena can't quite hear.

" I'm sorry, what was that?"

" I said the first time I told someone I loved them, the planet blew up an hour later," Kara whispers.

Looking as though she's been punched in the gut, Lena gasps," Oh Kara. _God_ , no _wonder_ you think your love dooms people, Christ I'd think so too under the circumstances."

Brow furrowed, Kara replies," What do you mean, _think_ so? I know so!"

" Kara, you did not blow up Krypton, it did that on its own without _any_ help from you. The worst you can be accused of is terrible timing, and that's not even really your fault. And even if it somehow, inexplicably is, you dating me wouldn't put me in any more danger than I already am on a daily basis due to my psychopathic family, aliens and humans who've been hurt by my psychopathic family, and the CADMUS thugs. And trust me, I know how to protect myself."

" Mon-El was bulletproof."

" I'll make a vest."

Far too emotionally drained to argue, Kara just rests her forehead on Lena's collarbone, listening to the woman's heartbeat. What Lena is saying, that..that none of this is _her_ _fault_ , is a hard pill to swallow, because Kara has been blaming herself for over half of her life. Because, if it's true, then there was no rhyme or reason to losing everyone she loved, no purpose for shutting Lena out for almost a year, for not letting herself be happy. And Kara doesn't know if she can take the fact that the only person that's been standing in her way, is _herself_.

" You ok?," Lena murmurs, getting the barest nod in reply.

" Well, now that everything's out in the open, Supergirl-wise, I suppose I can tell you I've been working on a red sun simulator. A red sun room, if you will."

Kara's head shoots up, eyes wide and wondering, to ask," Why?"

" Well, _technically_ , it wasn't _my_ idea, I got the idea from Lex, but, I figure you don't get good hugs, being invulnerable and all. From what he said, a Kryptonian under a yellow sun doesn't really get the full range of sensation a human does. And that even when you solar flare, your strength, speed, and invulnerability go away, but you experience overstimulation and dysphoria. That, and I figure you haven't been able to really touch someone in years-"

Lena cuts off when Kara hugs her just past painful, the breath whooshing from her lungs. It's worth it, because Lena is pretty sure Kara is crying happy tears, not sad ones.

" Wait..how was it _Lex's_ idea?," Kara asks, confused as to why Lex would make a red sun room; a ray to shoot her cousin with, maybe, but a room?

" He designed it for Clark, actually."

" Well yeah, I figured. But how did he expect to get Clark _inside_ it?"

" Not like that, as a gift. For the same reasons I listed, as a matter of fact. I guess that's part of why your cousin hates him so much; they were so close, and Lex was kinder to him than I'd ever seen him be to perhaps anyone except me, and then Lex snapped and tried to murder him. Repeatedly."

Yeah, that makes sense. With what Kara's heard Clark and James say over the years, and what Lena is saying now, Kara gets the idea that Clark and Lex were at the very least like her and Lena, and _probably_ closer than that.

" I can see why he'd be so upset. I think he knew how I felt about you before I did."

Lena looks at her, hopeful, and Kara can't bring herself to say no, not again, not when happiness, when _Lena_ is so clearly within her reach. Not when everything might not have been her fault at all. Not when there's a chance she could be happy, and keep the one she loves.

" And, how is that?"

" How do I feel? Well, I kinda said it earlier, didn't I?"

" Must not have heard."

" I suppose I could repeat myself, just for you.."

" Oh, do go on, I'm on the edge of my seat here."

So Kara steadies herself, takes a deep breath, and says," I love you. And maybe.. Maybe we can go out? If, if you s-still want to."

" Well, how about I answer your question with a question?"

" Go for it."

" Can I kiss you?"

Kara leans forwards to kiss her in lieu of a yes.

**Author's Note:**

> Figured I should make a note of how Lois knew who Clark went to have a chat with; because she constantly gets kidnapped and he's always leaving his phone where ever he stripped into his costume, they both have trackers on their phones connected to each other's phone. Since he randomly left in the middle of the night, Lois was worried enough to check it. Lo and behold, he was at L-Corp.
> 
> FYI, this was supposed to be completely fluffy but then my dad had heart surgery and my little cousin got leukemia and welp, nope, it became angst. Angst with some happy.


End file.
